Chapel Time
So, if you go to Union chapel sometimes, you may have noticed that I’m often there. Actually, if you have ever been to chapel this year, chances are, you will have seen me there, because I have barely missed noon chapel yet. Chapel Monday to Thursday at noon, and small chapel (the chapel formerly known as Lampman) Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30 for morning prayer pretty much structure my week. They are non-negotiable -- I mean, even if I’m behind on reading or a paper, do I seriously think that 30 extra minutes will make all that much of a difference?
This is not a punishment or discipline thing for me. It’s more of a recognition that I have certain needs. Rather high needs, actually, for as much worship as I can mash in to my week. Joyful or sad, brimming with gratitude or feeling like complete wreckage, it really doesn’t matter -- I need to be in church. It wasn’t always that way for me, and how I got to that place is a story for another day. But for at least the past few years, I have wanted to be in church more than just the one time on Sunday. This meant I had to branch out beyond my small parish in Newburgh, NY. And at first, I was skeptical about that. I would find myself sitting in another church, thinking, this service is not my style, this music is wack, and why am I even here? Why exactly do I need to be in church so much?
Still, more often than not, despite my bad attitude, God would show up for me anyway. A turning point came for me on retreat at Mariandale in Westchester County. I was in a big group of mostly Catholic retreat members, many of them monks and nuns and clergy, wondering, what am I doing here? The evening prayer service was very stripped down, with language so inclusive that the word God never appeared, and the music was canned Taize music from a boombox. Now, I like Taize, and I like inclusive language, but recorded music? What was this prayer even saying? Was this really church? I was sitting there grumbling to myself, but at the same time I was tearing up. I was feeling it despite myself. And I finally just let it be. Ok, woman, we agree, there is something wrong with you to want to pray and worship like this, but this is you, now. Just go with it. And BTW, I love you.
Oh yeah, I think that was God talking to me there. I finally got it.
By the time I was headed toward leaving my job in Rockland County, NY, and coming to Union, I had a routine of worshiping at my home Episcopal church, a Lutheran church near home, Catholic and Episcopal churches near my job, and fairly regular visits to an Episcopal monastery. I had gotten used to God showing up in a number of settings, regardless of the style of the building, preaching, music, or the other people. Once I got to Union, Religions in the City class and daily chapel widened my horizons still more. So it’s not really a thing for me to choose whether to attend or not based on which group is leading chapel. No matter what the music, praying, preaching is, if there are no spoken prayers, no matter what denomination or faith is leading, I can be pretty sure God will be there.
God will be there in the uncomfortable straw-shedding seats, soaked with prayers and emotions of past students who have sat in them. God will be in the music inside, and the sounds of nature and city life coming in from outside. God will be in the eyes and smiles of fellow students. And God will be in the spirits of all the worship leaders, future ministers, prophets, and advocates, honing their skills and showing their gifts in that chapel space.
If I think about it, it’s a pretty cool thing that I get to see my fellow students in their formation periods, before we all take it out into the world into different churches and organizations where we will seldom get a chance to see each other at work. That alone is a good reason for showing up all the time.
Since winter break, I haven’t been able to go to my home church, and I’ve been grieving the loss of the worship and the community pretty bad. Union chapel has become even more important to me as a place I can just take myself, four days a week, at noon.
What is your experience of worship at Union? What moves you, or annoys you, opens you to something new, or makes you want to run out the door? Maybe you would like to write about it here. Or you could come talk to me -- you can find me in chapel.